What drives people to kill - part 1: The question that won't let me go

 Dear readers

Today I will be writing about what I think drives people to kill, as it is something that really interests me. I have been listening to podcasts and watched documentaries about it. And the parts that interests me the most is probably the psychological part and the "why?" as I am always wondering what their reason is.

There's something about the question why that refuses to sit quietly in the corner. It taps me on the shoulder when I'm doing the laundry, when I'm staring out the window with music playing softly in the background, when I read about another crime and feel that familiar pull to understand. It's not just curiosity - it's a kind of ache. Because behind every act of violence is a story, and I want to understand it. Not to excuse it, but to make sense of it. I've always been drawn to the psychological side of things. The layers beneath the surface. The part of the iceberg that no one sees. And when it comes to murder, that hidden part is often the most telling. 

The Mind of Jeffrey Dahmer: A Case That Still Haunts Me:

If you've ever watched The Jeffrey Dahmer Tapes or listened to interviews with the detectives who worked his case, you'll know what I mean when I say: he wasn't just a killer - he was a walking contradiction. Quiet. Polite. Almost painfully awkward. And yet... he committed some of the most disturbing crimes in modern history. 

What struck me most wasn't the horror (though yes, it was horrific). It was the emptiness. Dahmer admitted he felt disconnected from people. He struggled with abandonment, isolation, and a deep fear of being alone. He said he wanted control, companionship, and to keep people from leaving him. That twisted need let him to do things that are hard to even write about. 

And here's my personal opinion: I don't think Dahmer was born evil. I think he was broken in ways that were never addressed. He had early signs of mental illness, a chaotic home life, and no emotional support. Combine that with alcoholism and suppressed desires, and you get a recipe for disaster. But what really chilled me was how normal he seemed to some people. His neighbors thought he was quiet. His coworkers said he was shy. It's a reminder that killers don't always look like villains. Sometimes they look like the guy next door. (Which is mildly terrifying. So maybe don't accept meat from your neighbor unless you really trust them.)

Trauma: The Echo That Never Stops:

Another layer is trauma. I don't think we talk about this enough. So many killers have histories of abuse, neglect, or abandonment. It doesn't justify what they do, but it adds context. It's like emotional erosion - slow, invisible, but powerful.

I remember watching a documentary about Aileen Wuornos, the women who killed seven men and claimed it was self-defense. Her childhood was a horror show - abuse, homelessness, exploitation. I'm not saying she was innocent, but I couldn't help feeling that she was more ghost than villain. Like she was carrying the weight of a thousand betrayals. 

And here's my personal opinion: I think society is quick to label people as evil without asking what shaped them. We love neat boxes. But real life is messy. Sometimes the "bad guy" was once a terrified child. And that matters. 

Mental Illness: The Misunderstood Piece:

Mental illness is another factor. Disorders like antisocial personality disorder (ASPD) or schizophrenia are often mentioned in criminal cases. But here's the thing - most people with mental illness aren't violent. That's a fact. 

Still, when untreated or combined with trauma, things can spiral. There was a case of a man who believed voices were telling him to kill. He had paranoid schizophrenia and hadn't been medicated in months. It's heartbreaking. Because with proper care, that tragedy might've been avoided. 

I think this is where compassion and prevention come in. If we can recognize the signs early, maybe we can stop the story before it turns dark. 

Environment: The Pressure Cooker: 

Let's not forget environment. Poverty, peer pressure, unstable homes - they all play a role. If you grow up in a place where violence is normal, it becomes part of your emotional vocabulary.

I read a study that said people from low-income backgrounds are significantly more likely to commit crimes. That's not about character - it's about survival. When your choices are limited, desperation takes over. And honestly? I think we underestimate how much environment shapes behavior. If someone's entire world is chaos, it's no surprise when they act chaotically. 

The "Why" That Keeps Me Up:

 So far, we've looked at biology, trauma, mental illness, and environment. But I'm saving the deeper dive - the chilling cases, the philosophical questions, the emotional aftermath - for Part 2. 

Because the truth is, I'm still figuring this out. I don't have a neat conclusion. I just have questions. And maybe that's okay. Maybe the point isn't to solve the mystery, but to keep asking it. To stay curious. To stay human. 

And if you are wondering why I care so much - maybe it's because I believe that understanding the darkest parts of people helps us protect the light. Or maybe I just want to know that even in the worst stories, there's a thread of truth we can hold onto. Either way... I'll be back in a few days with Part 2. We'll talk about killers who defy logic, the role of empathy, and the haunting idea that sometimes... there is no "why." 

And in part 3, I'll come to my personal conclusion. Not just about what drives people to kill - but about what this journey has taught me, and how we carry the weight of questions that may never be fully answered.

Until then, stay curios. And maybe double-check your neighbor's freezer. (Kidding. Mostly.) 

DarkBloomDiaries signing out until tomorrow...